Burial of Self

     Today I was looking for some creative inspiration, and decided I needed to revisit the art of Alex Grey. Many will know him from is cover art, and other media for the band Tool. It is tragic, and shortsighted of people to not explore his artwork further than his association with Tool. (See "Christ" and "The Artist Prayer" http://alexgrey.com/)

     He describes himself as a visionary artist and believes that art should be used to bring higher understanding and consciousness to the viewer as well as the artist. That successful art should create an open dialogue, and foster learning.

     I wanted to have some time to meditate on my feelings today, and I decided to sketch on my lunch break. I know this style was not even close to Alex Grey's, but I love the feeling of leaning from another artist especially a master. I find that my creativity bubbles when I see the passionate limitlessness of an artist and how far it can take people and the heroes I look up to.

     This piece was just a quick comic book style sketch (pencil, pen, and ink) in my Moleskine sketch journal. I created this not only for my drawing-a-day challenge, but also to explore some new pens. I have been bad about the drawing-a-day upkeep, but each time I sneak in even a quick sketch I feel so much fulfillment and peace.

Stage two "new painting"

     This is my second night session painting, and I have to say I am loving every moment of it. It seems silly to value something so insignificant as the subtle yet semi-rough feeling of brush on canvas, the organic mush (similar to mud) of full bodied paint, or the slick viscous inky flow when it is mixed to extend its coverage. In many ways it is incredibly fulfilling, and reassuring that I haven't forgotten my processes. One thing I can compare this reacquainted familiarity to is that of a retired athlete coming back to the game after years away from the sport. 

     My body, like that of the athlete's has a muscle memory of techniques that never really quite left. Now I am not saying I am a veteran painter, but I do have my mannerisms. The intentional holding of multiple brushes in between the fingers of my right hand switching to my left to paint wet on wet paint blending colors, and utilizing varied sizes for areas of detail or quick application of color in large areas. Sometimes I have so many brushes going with varied hues, tones, tints ect... that I even resort to holding one or two under my tongue.

     This evening I decided to challenge myself to begin under-painting the figure and take a break from the "safe" areas of the piece (mainly the building, asphalt, and sidewalk detailing). What an exercise in letting go of control. In many ways I felt like I was fighting myself. That inner voice of fear, and failure that intimidates me into not even trying, kept creeping up in an attempt to convince me that I would ruin the painting by making a mess of the person. "Your too messy for something as delicate as a human figure, stick to landscapes..." Anyway I prevailed and I could not feel anymore accomplished.

     On this second stage painting the details, no matter how painstaking and tough, ended up being the most entertaining part. I especially love the detail of the pooled blood, shadows, and the compound fracture. Later on in stage 3 or 4 I will return, and clean up, as well as add more refined highlights, and gradations as needed.

     Lastly I believe there is the matter of a title. Listening to my iPod music in my earmuff headphones I am able to really cancel out any noise from the outside world. This not only allows me to focus better on my task, but also allow me to hear the lyrics to songs better. I by chance came across the following song on shuffle: "on our way down" - Stabbing Westward - Darkest Days. This song reminds me vividly of the subject matter of the dream and the meaning behind the catharsis of my falling to the ground. I am super excited that it fits my art show theme better now as well.

Lyrics bellow
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/stabbingwestward/onyourwaydown.html

Check out my father-in-law's Blog

http://livelongandstrong.wordpress.com/2013/02/12/4-steps-to-consistent-commitment/

New painting in progress

     I am picking up an old idea that I had for a painting. A long time ago when my life was tumultuous and nothing seemed certain, I used to have vivid dreams of things happening day to day that bothered me. This painting came out of a dream where I was falling from a tall building. This particular dream was of the variety where it was so vivid that I had to wake to realize it wasn't real. In these dreams I could feel myself being pushed off the edge of an enormous skyscraper by force, and I remember not waking even after hitting the ground. The last sensations in the dream were of myself pointing up at my assailant, and life fading. 

     Initially I would be seeing this from an out of body perspective. Then the dream would shift to where The viewpoint was looking through my own eyes as my vision was blurring, ears were ringing, the taste of blood in my mouth, and the cold wet feel of it on the ground beneath me spread slowly. After this slow darkening. I would wake up in a jolt where my body would jerk up from the bed some. Please don't think me crazy as these dreams were many years ago. Looking back I think that the dream was a symbol of my bad self triumphing over the person inside who desired to have a stable normal life. Maybe I was the one pushing myself off of the building. 

     I know that a year or so after being plagued by bad dreams and the chaos in my life I decided I needed to be baptized and saved. Maybe when I was young I did not fully understand what it was to give up the old and be born again. I am by no means close to perfect, but I have gotten to a place where I know I am forgiven and that I am loved by God who sent his son to die for me and other sinners like me. Sorry for the rambling and ranting. I was writing this blog entry as I would a journal entry with the filter off.

Art Is Resistance

     I decided to dust off the old military surplus black jacket I had hanging up in my closet and use it for my latest bit of inspiration. A few years back when I was living with my roommates Daniel and Richard we all were super amped that Nine Inch Nails had released 5 new albums and other new projects when prior to that Trent Reznor and the band had been silent for many years. When the albums Year Zero and The Slip launched they came with an onslaught of political backstory, fictitious characters, and stories set in a future, post-apocalyptic totalitarian time period. 

     Daniel, Richard and myself all became highly interested in the way that the story harkened at warnings of what could happen in real life with war, terrorism, and big brother. As a symbol of support I fashioned an arm band for my coat with a DIY method of stencil screen printing to show off the Art is Resistance logo. In the Year Zero universe members of this front are similar to our current street artist Banksy, Space Invader, and Shepard Farley. They use urban guerrilla propaganda art, graffiti, poster/flyering, and viral media to spread the news of the uprising against a corrupt dictatorship. 

     I thought it would be cool to see what I could create using only my phone camera, along with the apps Sketchbook Mobile, and Photoshop Express Mobile. I wanted to design posters that looked similarly to what one would see at a Levi jeans department store or that would be close to the OBEY clothing line. Simple text and a raw unrefined feel. I really enjoyed this project and hope you do too feel free to comment and give feedback as well.

Paintings for Christmas presents

     With the Christmas season approaching a my wife and I having a young baby I knew gift giving would have to be different this year. I began to think of things to give to my family members that would really mean something, and not just be mere material items. I really put my thought and heart into what I decided to give the family, and this year giving those gifts was the most exciting part rather than receptivity new things. 

     Watching my daughter on her first Christmas interacting with her cousin Juliette, unwrapping gifts and being hugged ad kissed by her grandparents, uncles, aunts, ad cousins was so sweet and memorable. For my father-in-law I painted a rustic farm scene. I created a nativity scene for my mother-in-law. My brother-in-laws are both athletes and I created a caricature ad a patriotic painting. My sister-in-law received two watercolor paintings one of the koi previously posted ad another of some orchids previously posted from Lewis Ginter. My mother received another orchid painting and pastel apple still life and my father an Irish farm pasture.

Moleskine Sketch journal Lily sketch

     It has been quite awhile since I have worked in my sketch journal. I decided to pick it back up as I will be starting a 30 day sketch challenge on the 1st. I couldn't thin of anything worth drawing and my mind has been completely distracted thinking about my daughter Lily. I miss her badly everyday hen she is in day-care an I have to work. I feel my most whole when I with my wife and Lily and nothing else seems to fit otherwise. I don't have to play any part or pretend to be something I'm not, when I am around them. I decided to draw a baby as best I could from memory reaching up for a hand. Her was my attempt at that challenge.