New painting in progress

     I am picking up an old idea that I had for a painting. A long time ago when my life was tumultuous and nothing seemed certain, I used to have vivid dreams of things happening day to day that bothered me. This painting came out of a dream where I was falling from a tall building. This particular dream was of the variety where it was so vivid that I had to wake to realize it wasn't real. In these dreams I could feel myself being pushed off the edge of an enormous skyscraper by force, and I remember not waking even after hitting the ground. The last sensations in the dream were of myself pointing up at my assailant, and life fading. 

     Initially I would be seeing this from an out of body perspective. Then the dream would shift to where The viewpoint was looking through my own eyes as my vision was blurring, ears were ringing, the taste of blood in my mouth, and the cold wet feel of it on the ground beneath me spread slowly. After this slow darkening. I would wake up in a jolt where my body would jerk up from the bed some. Please don't think me crazy as these dreams were many years ago. Looking back I think that the dream was a symbol of my bad self triumphing over the person inside who desired to have a stable normal life. Maybe I was the one pushing myself off of the building. 

     I know that a year or so after being plagued by bad dreams and the chaos in my life I decided I needed to be baptized and saved. Maybe when I was young I did not fully understand what it was to give up the old and be born again. I am by no means close to perfect, but I have gotten to a place where I know I am forgiven and that I am loved by God who sent his son to die for me and other sinners like me. Sorry for the rambling and ranting. I was writing this blog entry as I would a journal entry with the filter off.